Pause-Just Pause

 

Driving into our neighborhood yesterday we got stopped due to the county finally fixing our main road. Thank you construction crew! The mountains are so beautiful. Fall is in full force here and the days are getting short. I was mesmerized by the view. Then there was this flag sign.  Bright orange and messing with my view. Kind of reminds me of my journey right now. 

Hey Tina- whoa, pay attention, slow down, take your time. Lookup! Look around. Watch for the bumps in the road. 

Man, isn’t that the truth. I have days that I feel so overwhelmed. Do I eat this? Do I take this? What the heck do I do for treatment? So much coming at me at once. T and I have truly adopted “One step at a time” this year. Not a day at a time, but a step. And let me say, God has met us every.single.step. There is nothing so great that He can’t hold. I am grateful for the pause. The slowing down. The gentle whisper that speaks to my soul. 

So today- what is this sign telling you- do you need to slow down, breathe a minute, step back? 

Pause, just pause. 

Thanks for listening,

Tuna Jones

Daily Veg Smoothie - What's for breakfast?

One of the things I have been doing since I found out about my oh-so unwanted diagnosis is researching like a crazy woman. Starting with my mom and her story of beating breast cancer, I started looking for natural ways to build my immune system and kick cancer to the curb. I bought 5 books, devoured all of them, listened to podcasts, read and read some more on nutritional healing and after all this research certain things rose to the top.

1. Food- Good nutrition is a must. Organic, high veg intake daily, limited/no sugar. All things that would build up my immune system.  Being honest, I have chocolate. 😕You know the gooood chocolate. I really like chocolate. Just sayin'. Some of the research I've read says dark chocolate is a-okay but just not every day. Some things take time, and some days are just peanut butter and jelly days or a piece of deliciousness.  Most days I adhere to a strict food regimen.

2. Clean Water- I love our water and had it tested. It's great straight from the well. When we sell this place, I'll buy a Berkey water filter.

3. Chemical Free Lifestyle- This one I am still working on and making progress a step at a time. More on this later.

4. Reduce Stress-😜 Control your stress and figure out what is causing it. If the stress isn't fixed, your body will still scream on the inside.

5. Sleep- OY! This one is hard still. I do desire to rest. I just don't sleep well and haven't for a long while.

6. Exercise- just move your body every day. Rebound, workout at the gym, walk. Do something daily.

I remember my mom juicing carrots all day long when she beat breast cancer the first time. I listened to the video she watched, "Cancer Doesn't Scare Me Anymore" and started juicing but, found a more current resource from a highly regarded doc who has been helping people for years with integrative methods of fighting cancer that encouraged blending whole foods. So that's what I've been doing. I'm getting tons of fiber and all the nutrients from the fruits and vegetables. My typical morning smoothie is kale, carrots, strawberries, blueberries, chia seeds, and sometimes I throw in other things like spinach, celery, and banana. Heavy on the carrots and blueberries. I started putting turmeric in as well. I already take turmeric, but I am learning the more the merrier. So in it goes! I do this sometimes for lunch too. Just depends on the day. 

I am eating more vegetables than EVER in my lifetime. And drinking them. Maybe I'm just drinking more than I ever ate? Hmmm. 

Here's to health! Cheers.

Thanks for listening…

Tuna Jones

Stupid Cancer

 

This story is as much for my children reading this as it is for the rest of you. I find writing cathartic and it also journals life from my perspective for my kids to have later on. I let writing go for a while as you can see if you look back over my previous posts. Yep, it's been awhile, but I'm back! I tried to write on another platform and just didn't like it. This one feels natural for me. 

So, hello everyone! I'm back! 😁

Now for the post-

Back in fall of '22, T and I decided 2023 was for us. We would travel, do things around Colorado, visit the kids, all sorts of US time. Who doesn't want "us time" when you love the person you're married to? We couldn't wait. Well best laid plans, right? We got GREAT news in late fall of '22 not just about one but TWO new grandbabies coming summer of '23. Of course we'd want to be present for those new littles. In early '23 we found out the Walkers were on a journey that eventually led them home, and then there was this nagging lump in my breast. All sorts of happenings that were not on our radar when we planned our "US" year. We can try as we might to plan, and planning is good, don't get me wrong, but keeping all things open-handed allows God to take our plans and make adjustments as we pray for His will not ours. And we LOVE our kids and grandkids so investing in them always ranks at the top of the list when it comes to plans. Back to the lump...

I found a lump in my breast oh February, maybe March. I kept a close eye on it seeing if it shrank or grew. I told T about it, we kept track of it, and after a couple months I went to my doc to decide if it was anything to worry about. Now, I have had plenty of lumps over the years and can tell if it's a PMS lump, too much coffee lump, or a lump that doesn't belong there. This one, it didn't belong there. I have a strong family history of breast cancer so that nagged at me too. I didn't dwell on it, just took it serious. I've been so careful with my breast care. Mammograms, physicals, nursed my babies, all the things that say - Let's keep those breasts healthy. 

I went to my yearly mammogram and just knew this one was different. LOTS of pictures, then an ulrasound, and a quiet tech. All that signs that shouted at me- HEY LADY, I THINK WE HAVE A PROBLEM. So after this little visit and them saying they need more info on what they are seeing on the screen, I scheduled a biospy. Please ask me about this if you plan to have one. It was HORRIFIC at best. I should have gone straight to the lumpectomy honestly. My breast was compressed crazy tight for over an hour. Mm hmm. Never again. 

I remember checking my portal over and over again for the next few days. I needed to know what I already suspected. I was hanging out in the family room with Elizabeth and Terrell checking once again and my email said, "You have new results". Sitting down quietly to read the lab report I saw the word "carcinoma". Looking up at them, feeling like I had just been kicked in the stomach, almost numb really, I said, "I have cancer". Never would I wish those words for anyone and here I was saying them out loud. We sat quietly for a while, taking it in. Boo and I had plans that afternoon and this stupid cancer wasn't going anywhere, so off we went. They both asked if we should cancel our plans, T was also getting ready to head out of town and more than willing to stay home. I said no, not much we can do but stare at each other. It's not going to change the results. Boo and I walked out to get in the car and I just started crying. We stopped and hugged in the garage for a minute. I told Boo that I was so thankful they're home. They had barely been back state side a few weeks.  It's good to be surrounded by your family when things hurt. And this hurt. 

My head was spinning. What's next? I spoke to my GP and she gave me a great pep talk. This cancer is super early DCIS non invasive. You're good.  Get in to see the surgeon, have it removed and see what's next.

Time to do some research- and try to keep the room from spinning.

DCIS- some say it isn't even classified as cancer. Well if that's the case, it's not getting removed. I'll deal with this another way. My mom beat cancer with nutrition, I can too. 

I am one research queen. And in the middle of all the research, Bec was having signs of labor. This gramma was supposed to be at the birth. Oh goodness, more calls to my doc. Can I wait this out and go help my daughter? Yes! was the answer and the best answer she could have given me. It slowed me down, wayyyy down. Off I went to Washington for a few weeks to be with my new granddaughter and breathed enough to see clearly. I bought 5 books on beating cancer naturally, watched podcasts, read like crazy whatever I could, prayed and prayed for discernment and snuggled with Valerie. Babies are good for keeping us grounded.

We made an appointment with the surgeon, and she presented all the options from total mastectomy to lumpectomy to hormonal treatment. I told her my views, she told me hers, and we left with a lot to think about.  And cry some more. I have cried and cried. I am already a crier so throw something like this in mix and you're gonna see the tears flow. We went to church one Sunday and some friends had a good honest conversation with us asking me,

Why wouldn't you want it out? 

Honestly, I needed to hear this. We were praying, seeking wisdom, seeing doctors and learning more than I'd like about Standard of Care, which is not always good, just saying. Cancer is not a one size fits all and its super important to look at the whole person, heal the whole person. I needed someone to say the hard thing and it helped me move forward having it removed. 

After meeting with my surgeon, we decided to have the surgery in mid- August. We had lots happening this summer and this cancer had to get in line with the rest of my life. By this point I had changed my diet and began using supplements to strengthen my immune system. I was doing what I knew to do as best as I could do it.  Time for another family adventure. We moved Lina and Sage, and all the Walkers to Tennessee. The beginning of a new chapter for them and us.  Once we got home, I had the lumpectomy. That surgery went far better than I anticipated. I healed well and was only on Advil and Tylenol a short while. We waited excepting the results again. I was so ready to use the words HAD cancer. We went on a fun date and finished up our night at a local brewery playing cribbage. After checking my email too many times that day, my results were in my portal. Clean margins, yay. But this one word- invasive- was on the report. What! How can it go from non invasive DCIS to this? Seriously? Tears flowed again. Sunglasses went on.  I needed this be done. Wanted it to be done. Over. Finished. And it's not. It broke through.  The margins are clear so in that I was super happy. My surgeon called the next week and said, "Tina, I want to take a sentinel node." We argued a bit cause I did NOT want to have another surgery.  She said to me, "Look, you've surprised me this far. I don't want anymore surprises." So we left it at that, and I said I'd let her know what I decide when we come in for my appointment. 

By this point, I am once again researching like a crazy woman. Telling Terrell everything I'm learning, telling my kids everything I'm reading, telling my sister everything all over again. Processing out loud daily. We had an appointment with a nutritional oncologist scheduled so that came next. Talk about a great appointment. An hour and half later, we left confident about next steps. 

Her advice and plan: Yes, have the node removed; know as much as you can. Yes, she will be there to support us through treatment and with nutrition. Yes, there are more tests that we can do going beyond Standard of Care tests. It was a YES kind of day. I felt supported and reassured that I can do both; surgery once again and keep healing with natural methods. We had another trip planned to Tennessee that I was not about to miss. Our next grandbaby was born, and ALL my kids would be together for the first time in three years. Surgery had to wait again. And wait it did. 

October 3rd came up pretty quickly. The time in Tennessee was a good distraction. Celebrated lots of birthdays and enjoyed all 7 of our grand kids. Another quick in and out surgery. I was once again anticipating the results. This surgery has taken a bit more out of me. Maybe, looking at it in hindsight, its cause I was just weeks out of the other surgery. Maybe it's not sleeping and feeling fatigued. I'm listening and taking it slower this time 'round. The results came in early one morning last week and I wasn't surprised. I knew in my spirit the cancer was there, no surprise this time. God was gracious to prepare me. And sure enough this little lymphy as I call it, had some cancer cells present. Not too many but they up and journeyed to the node. Darn it all, stupid cancer. I walked to T's office barely awake, leaned on his doorway and told him the news. Not what I wanted to say, not what he hoped to hear. 

I am very grateful for the nudging to have the node removed, I am very grateful for the lumpectomy getting rid of the cancer there, I am grateful for a very good surgeon who was patient with me as I processed this all, and I am grateful we know more now that when we started. 

So now I wait. I have a bunch of appointments soon with different oncologists, my surgeon, my natural oncologist and once we have the full idea of choices, we will pray, sit a minute and then decide what's next.

When I started this journey back in May, I never would have thought it would take me to this day. It's crazy when I really think about it. I still cry. I hate it, all of it. Cancer sucks. And definitely an inconvenience. We had plans this year; somehow cancer didn't get the memo. 

Through all this crazy, two things have been my constant. Jesus and my husband. 

God is my center. He holds my life in his hands, and I trust His sovereignty. My faith is unwavering.

My husband. He's my rock that I lean on. My steady force of nature that is always present, always listening. Sits in the quiet with me, holds my hand, brings me icepacks, snuggles with me, learns with me, hikes with me, takes me on long drives, tells me to stop-he's got this- when I do too much and just lets me cry. He is there. I love him immensely and am so grateful. 

Grateful. Thats one word that keep popping up. Oh man, I am so grateful. Life has thrown us a curve ball that sucks. No way around it. It sucks. But nowhere in God's word does it say we won't be without trouble. We will have hard times, suffering, and sadness. We're human. We break. We hurt. But-to embrace God's goodness, oh yes!  He has been working up stream for so long in my life. I see it in so many circumstances. This is no surprise to him. All of our kids are stateside- grateful. Ezra is thriving- grateful. I have a family I love that loves me back- grateful. I have a husband I adore that loves me too- grateful. I have team of doctors that I can discuss what's best for me- grateful. I have a church that is sold out for Jesus- grateful. I have a sister I call every single day that hears me - grateful. I have a community group with church that supports us- grateful. I have friends who check on me- grateful. The list goes on. I will cry more, oh that's for sure. I know the tears have yet to subside. But do hear me when I say, there truly is peace that only comes from knowing Jesus. He sees me and knows me. He sees my heartache and understands. He sees my husband's heartache and understands. So along with the hard times of this journey, also comes an immense amount of gratitude. How can heartache and gratitude ever be in the same sentence or even in the same room together? That's what life is when it's embraced by Jesus. 

So we continue this journey. No clue what's next. But continue we shall.  

Until then... may you find hope when the days are dark. May you find peace to rest at night. May you find laughter as it heals the soul.

Thanks for listening,

Tuna Jones

The C Word

 June 1st, 2023

A day that I’d rather have been anywhere but here. A day that started a new journey I had always hoped would pass me by. One I never ever wanted. Ever. I had just finished a horrible breast biopsy and was waiting to go home. 

I found a lump a few months prior and was watching it closely. After going to my doctor we decided to investigate. I had a sinking feeling for awhile so I wasn’t surprised they found “something”. Questions was what was that something. Funny enough it wasn’t the lump that was concerning, it was hidden in my breast near the lump. And so began my journey with breast cancer. I have so much to say and yes, you bet my writing mojo is coming alive again, but for now, since it’s October 1 and breast cancer awareness month- I leave you with this- truth is, it’s sucks, but there is hope and help. It’s slaps you in the face in a way that you least expect it. My journey has not been traditional and probably won’t be. I’ve be pondering when and how and even if I would  share about this season. Being quiet has been healing. There are so many emotions wrapped up with the big C word. Today seems like a good day to begin.  I am grateful for the hope and healing Jesus gives me daily. Today I celebrate life. 💗

Wedding Memories- My Girl

My sweet Becca. So many fun times and conversations that led up to her wedding. Also some super loooong conversations through the years, let me just add, saying she was NEVER EVER going to get married. Bec would tease T and I about being in our basement forever. And here she is, married a month already. Oh Bec. 😊

This moment was the evening Brock proposed to our girl. FaceTime is such a great tool! We had the joy of sharing this special time with both of them. 

Christmas rolled around and the whole family was finally together. Becca patiently waited to look for her dress until all her sisters were together. I anticipated this moment for years. And I was not disappointed. We were treated beautifully and she said YES to the Dress!

All the sisters and one sweet grand baby. And if you're wondering, oh yes we did have chocolate and champagne celebrating this BIG day!

Throughout the planning season, I helped Becca plan from afar. I was overjoyed at the times I could be there in person talking, planning and shopping together. Nothing can replace this moment in time with my girl.

We went in for a beautiful shower in March and her daddy got to join in the fun. The countdown was getting closer!

Finally the week was here and we were all together finishing up those last minute touches. I can not express enough the joy of being together after months of planning.

                   What would a wedding week be without a personal shower! Ooo-la-la. 

Can you tell how much her daddy loves her? 

                     
                            Rehearsal time is approaching. The anticipation is getting bigger!

And then it happen. Just like that. June 15th, 2019 she became Mrs. Rebecca Killinger. We are so happy for these two. We know that we know Brock is the only one for our girl. He adores her.

These two. 💕

Sisters, Sisters

  Then there's the Fab 6.  I loved seeing all of theses amazing women supporting and loving on our girl during this time. Becca is loved by so many and that made this day even more memorable.

And off they went! Two beautiful people sharing their life together. 

I love you Becca Joy!