Sibling Rivalry.
Why is it that these two words go together so easily? Like World
Peace or Chocolate Milk. We don’t hear people say World Chaos or Blueberry Milk
like it’s normal. No, we would pause and wonder where that came from. Like
people actually want World Chaos, though it seems too rampant today, or the taste
of Blueberry Milk. Ooh gross! Of course not.
I love these lines in Miss Congeniality with Sandra Bullock.
She speaks the truth but no one wants to hear the truth so she pauses, smiles
and says World Peace!
Stan Fields: What is the one most important thing our
society needs?
Gracie Hart: That would be harsher punishment for
parole violators, Stan.
[crowd is silent]
[crowd cheers ecstatically]
We have world governments
that strive for peace in this mixed up crazy world and we have food companies
that put chocolate and milk together evryday knowing it works and works well. Two words. Just two, but put together take on a whole new meaning. Why is it that Sibling Rivalry is accepted and said so easily and not Sibling Peace
or Sibling Love? It doesn’t even roll off the tongue easily. I haven’t heard
anyone say, “Oh they just have sibling love going on today. You know how it is!”
But let me say I have heard many times
about brothers and sisters not getting along, fussy and fighting and being mean.
Parents saying, “Oh its normal, you know.”
or “They’ll outgrow this someday, I was just like this with my brother”.
And all the while these same two people who can’t get along
within the four walls of their own home can smile and be pleasant with everyone
else in the world. Chaos exist inside the place that peace should reign.
Does this really make sense? It’s normal today because we as
a culture say that it’s normal.
And that’s sad.
Growing up in our home we have a family scripture that we
said often when chaos was alive and well:
Romans 12:10
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love, Honor one another above
yourselves.
I can hear you now. “Seriously, you actually said this. Out Loud. To your kids?” Yes, we did and no, I was not wearing my Laura
Ingalls dress down to my ankles. Sometimes it was paraphrased, “BE NICE!!!” Now I’m the first to admit we did not get it
right all the time but I will say we laid a foundation that we could build on.
I knew that if we didn’t get it right in the four walls of our home, there was
no way they were gonna get it right anywhere else. T and I talked and talked
and prayed and prayed about and for our children, what we saw in them, how to develop
their character, how to show them Jesus honestly in our own lives so they could
walk it out in their own. Not just for that moment but for their lifetime. It
was exhausting at times when the battle of the wills faced off but we knew it
was worth it. I can say there were times I blew it big; how I handled my own
communication, or the lack there of. In those times they learned what
forgiveness and reconciliation looks like, played out in the real world, because
we did it in our home.
We also had a family rule we lived by: If you can’t get along in here, there’s
no way you’re going out there to play. I know, mean ol’ mom! But I meant it and we lived it. Everything
our children learn in communicating with each other is everything they will use
later on in life. I remember telling our son, “Your wife will appreciate this
one day. Learn to communicate well with your sisters now and work out this so you know how
to later on.” I would say, “We will always be family. Nothing will change that.
Figure this out here.” Or “You can bless people or curse them with your tongue.”
My eyes would get big and I would look
directly into theirs. They got the message loud and clear. I cannot tell you how many times I would tell
my kids you are practicing here for your husband/ wife later, trust me. Oh man it did not always go well and there
were seasons in life where they didn’t have friend time for a few days until
they got it right with their brother/sister. Imagine opening the front door and
a little person is standing there, big eyes looking up at me, asking if
so-in-so can play and I’m explaining why they can’t come out to play today.
Blank Stare.
My children adore each other. They are friends. They have each
other’s back. Having a baby is easy, being a parent is hard work. If you want
to do it right it takes hours of talking. Hours of explaining why, not just
saying, cause I said so. Hours of
prayer on our part as momma and daddy. We want our kids to know Jesus, understand
God’s plan for them in every part of their life and it all starts in the home. Then one day when they are launched, they’ll
be prepared. Being prepared also includes good communication skills and
protecting a brother or sister’s heart. It takes practice. It takes humility. And trust me, we’ve had plenty of opportunities
to practice. Our job, our God-given responsibility as parents is to walk them
through what that looks like and all the while pray their heart stays tender towards
each other and towards Jesus.
This-doesn’t-mean-they-will-listen. I am not so arrogant to
say this is a spoonful of sugar and the medicine goes down technique. That’s
just not reality, now is it?
There is a keen difference
between imparting God’s truth in your child’s life and that day they make a conscious
decision what they will choose.
I’m sad to hear brothers and sisters fight with each other.
I’m sad that parents excuse it as normal. Romans 12:18 tells us, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with
everyone”. Doesn’t that include siblings?
Reality Check: How’s the
pulse in your home? Do you and your children practice Romans 12:18 or does that
apply only to the people outside of your four walls? Maybe we can all take a
step back from the busyness of life and really look at how we communicate with each
other. I know I have. I don’t get it right all the time; that is for sure! I don’t think that’s the point. I do try hard
to apologize and admit I’m wrong; just did that a couple days ago myself. It’s
all about being real and allowing the Holy Spirit to do his work. You do your
part and He will do his.
Thanks for listening,
Tuna Jones
