Let's
just call this Time to Get Real.
I
am so done with the lame statement that I
have heard for years. Years! "Well, you're intimidating."
or "Oh it's cause you're intimidating." or "I didn't know what
to say to you for a long time 'cause you're
intimidating."
Seriously.
Enough already. The latest and greatest oh you're intimidating statement has
been told to one of my lovelies in explaining why maybe she doesn't have as
many friends as she would like. Again... SERIOUSLY!
When
T and I set out on this parenting adventure, I read, studied, talked with wise
mommas, and looked at God's word closely. We knew a few things mattered most
and those things we would always emphasize.
1.
God is THE most important person in our life. If the relationship we have
vertically (with Jesus) is suffering then nothing horizontally (people folk)
will be right.
2.
Family will be always be there so we made sure they spent time together.
3.
Communication is HUGE in life. So they learned what that looks like and they
practiced it... often.
4.
I still hear T saying this, "There is nothing you do that could make me
love you any less." Our children know we are on their team.
5.
God's Word is Truth. Always. It is our go-to book.
6.
Character matters. Goes along with following God's word and believing what it
says is true. If you love your neighbor as yourself and you live your life out
loud, then make it count.
7.
Education is important. Be engaged in learning and never stop learning.
8.
Dating can wait. Be friends, have fun, go to school and get your education.
Stay focused. Far less drama. We have been on the receiving end of dating drama
more than I'd like to say and it hasn't always ended well, sadly. Why date if
you're not mature enough to maintain friendships? Hmmm.. probably worth a
discussion sometime. But not this one.
9.
Have fun and enjoy this great adventure of life.
I
am sure that I have other mantras we live by, but this gives you the idea.
I
guess raising strong, beautiful, God-loving, smart women is a formula for
intimidation these days. What has happened to our world? There is a problem if
someone doesn't want to be your friend because you are confident in who you
are. We need to raise confident children, not arrogant children. See the
difference. One comes from entitlement and the other is through humility. I can
think of plenty of women in the Bible who carried this out... Esther, Ruth, and
Mary to name a few.
Somehow
this is missing today I think.
My
girls are loyal. They are amazing listeners. They can laugh at themselves. They
can go out of the house messy and be okay. My girls are confident. I love this
about them. Let me say it again in case you missed it, I LOVE this about them.
Being
a strong beautiful woman doesn't mean they don't hurt. Quite the contrary. They
hurt deeply. My girls have been abandoned by people who were friends for years
and then suddenly drop off the face of the earth. Who does that? Like I said, it's a time to get
real. Not pulling any punches here. Good grief, they've had people completely
talk "around" them in group settings when they're the ones making the
effort to get to know someone. They've been overlooked and ignored because
people think "they're fine". Thank you Social Media. They have
been shunned for what they stand for too. For some reason a woman of principle
isn't always welcome in a crowd anymore. Yes, really. They cry and ask why does
this happen to me? And we cry together. And they sit home alone, wishing they
were doing something else. I just don't always understand people. Everyone
needs community. Even confident women desire kindred spirits to share life
with, to laugh with, to have a friend who won't be intimidated by them. And
don't get me started on the fact that men are intimidated by them. Oh the man
who isn't, watch out. He will be a strong Godly man who knows how to love
my girl.
With
the friends they do have, the waters run deep. That's for all of us, really.
People who truly know my girls aren't intimidated. They celebrate together,
they're honest and truthful. There may not be many that surround them, but the
ones who are willing to walk out life together are really the best ones anyhow.
As Anne of
Green Gables beautifully said...“A what kind of friend?” asked Marilla. “A bosom friend–an intimate
friend, you know–a really kindred spirit to whom I can confide my inmost soul.
So
if this is what intimidation looks like then bring it on. I wouldn't want
anything else for them.
