Friday, February 5, 2016


Let's just call this Time to Get Real. 

I am so done with the lame statement that I have heard for years. Years! "Well, you're intimidating." or "Oh it's cause you're intimidating." or "I didn't know what to say to you for a long time 'cause  you're intimidating."

Seriously. Enough already. The latest and greatest oh you're intimidating statement has been told to one of my lovelies in explaining why maybe she doesn't have as many friends as she would like. Again... SERIOUSLY! 

When T and I set out on this parenting adventure, I read, studied, talked with wise mommas, and looked at God's word closely. We knew a few things mattered most and those things we would always emphasize.

1. God is THE most important person in our life. If the relationship we have vertically (with Jesus) is suffering then nothing horizontally (people folk) will be right.
2. Family will be always be there so we made sure they spent time together.
3. Communication is HUGE in life. So they learned what that looks like and they practiced it... often.
4. I still hear T saying this, "There is nothing you do that could make me love you any less." Our children know we are on their team.
5. God's Word is Truth. Always. It is our go-to book.
6. Character matters. Goes along with following God's word and believing what it says is true. If you love your neighbor as yourself and you live your life out loud, then make it count. 
7. Education is important. Be engaged in learning and never stop learning. 
8. Dating can wait. Be friends, have fun, go to school and get your education. Stay focused. Far less drama. We have been on the receiving end of dating drama more than I'd like to say and it hasn't always ended well, sadly. Why date if you're not mature enough to maintain friendships? Hmmm.. probably worth a discussion sometime. But not this one.
9. Have fun and enjoy this great adventure of life. 

I am sure that I have other mantras we live by, but this gives you the idea.

I guess raising strong, beautiful, God-loving, smart women is a formula for intimidation these days. What has happened to our world? There is a problem if someone doesn't want to be your friend because you are confident in who you are. We need to raise confident children, not arrogant children. See the difference. One comes from entitlement and the other is through humility. I can think of plenty of women in the Bible who carried this out... Esther, Ruth, and Mary to name a few.

Somehow this is missing today I think.

My girls are loyal. They are amazing listeners. They can laugh at themselves. They can go out of the house messy and be okay. My girls are confident. I love this about them. Let me say it again in case you missed it, I LOVE this about them. 

Being a strong beautiful woman doesn't mean they don't hurt. Quite the contrary. They hurt deeply. My girls have been abandoned by people who were friends for years and then suddenly drop off the face of the earth.  Who does that? Like I said, it's a time to get real. Not pulling any punches here. Good grief, they've had people completely talk "around" them in group settings when they're the ones making the effort to get to know someone. They've been overlooked and ignored because people think "they're fine".  Thank you Social Media. They have been shunned for what they stand for too. For some reason a woman of principle isn't always welcome in a crowd anymore. Yes, really. They cry and ask why does this happen to me? And we cry together. And they sit home alone, wishing they were doing something else. I just don't always understand people. Everyone needs community. Even confident women desire kindred spirits to share life with, to laugh with, to have a friend who won't be intimidated by them. And don't get me started on the fact that men are intimidated by them. Oh the man who isn't, watch out.  He will be a strong Godly man who knows how to love my girl. 

With the friends they do have, the waters run deep. That's for all of us, really. People who truly know my girls aren't intimidated. They celebrate together, they're honest and truthful. There may not be many that surround them, but the ones who are willing to walk out life together are really the best ones anyhow.

As Anne of Green Gables beautifully said...“A what kind of friend?” asked Marilla.  “A bosom friend–an intimate friend, you know–a really kindred spirit to whom I can confide my inmost soul.

So if this is what intimidation looks like then bring it on. I wouldn't want anything else for them.


Anonymous said...

Hello My Sweet Friend, I echo your words. Although my road to raising my children has been different, I have studied to be a parent. I raised two beautiful daughters and had the privilege of being a part of raising five other kids. My daughters do not have as many friends as they would like either and many times it is because the are 'intimidating' or 'weird'. I tell them to be strong in their values and to hold fast to what they know to be true. If they have few friends, but these friends are of character they are lucky.

I see them struggling and being made fun of or hurt by others and it kills me. I cry with them, but hold fast to the truth that this is what is necessary in this day and age for them to continue being the God fearing, strong, deliberate, caring, intelligent women I raised them to be. The lessons they are learning today will hold them in the future when it is their boss or a hopeful partner questioning their values. The blows of people leaving them or verbally accosting them or etc, are time old. It will strengthen them. I am so happy that your girls have you and T. Hugs to you and your lovely family... Maria

TracyA said...


Our daughter McKenna had had these same experiences. She is strong, confident, beautiful and committed to the Lord. And she struggles to maintain close friendships. We have cried many tears because of it. Thank you for posting.