It’s a snowy sort of day outside. I have been promising meaningful blog post and so here goes one.
I have had this battle going on inside of me for two years. I have SOO much to write about but protective of the subject matter and quite honestly, not wanting to hurt the friends and families I care about. But, since this is my blog and since it is a record of my life, that one day will be bound in a cute book for each of my children as memories of their momma, better to be honest. They may just need to hear this somewhere down the road.
Are you anxious now? Ready for my diatribe?
I have such a passion for the family and for the lives of each child I spend the day with… including my own. I leave every day at O’dark ugly, I drive to a job that is tiring yet worth the investment, I watch my daughter go off and do her own thing with her own school, we somehow gather back together at home unless she has sports, then of course I don’t see her until 5:30. Let me break it down this way:
6:00am: Rise and shine. “Hi Baby. How’d you sleep?” We both do our own thing to be ready for the day.
6:45am: I leave for work
7:20am: She leaves for school
4:00pm: I come home from work
3:30pm: She heads home from school
4:15pm: I walk in, drop my stuff and catch up briefly with Lina. She runs off to do homework.
4:30pm: During Volleyball or Soccer, Lina is at practice
5:30 or 6:30pm: Dinner
6:30pm: Crash time or more homework
9:00pm: We are off to sleep and the cycle starts all over again.
So who gets the most of her day, and mine? Who is speaking Truth into my baby girl, the school? Her classmates that are all crazy hormonal 13 year olds? Or me?
When T and I committed to raising our family in a different sort of way, we meant it. We made a conscious decision to raise our children. Not have the “Western Society Norms” of life raise them. We will teach them to problem solve, we will instill character and Christ-centered beliefs in them, we will be actively involved in doing what has been thrown out in our society, being parents. Ouch! Yes, I know. It stings just a bit. It isn’t meant to be a slam or a finger-pointing discussion; it’s just the dog-gone truth. If it was a finger-pointing, I’d be pointing at me! I have now experienced both sides; working full time as a momma and staying home, educating as a momma. Not everyone can do it but for me and my house, it is the very best option. It is not someone else’s job to have heart to hearts about life. That’s mine. It’s a privilege and one I want back.
Who in their right mind can honestly say having your child gone for 8 plus hours a day, then sports, then homework, can actually be investing in your child? It isn’t quality, people. It really is quantity. Our Western Society has sold us this lie and it just isn’t true. How many summer breaks have you had to change bad habits or look at your child and wonder where they came from? Well, they came from the system’s ideology. They are who they are around for 50 hours a week. T and I work so hard to keep in touch with the pulse of our children. We care deeply about who they are and who they will become. We see the benefits as our grown children still call for that listening ear. They can trust us to be there… because we are there.
It blesses me greatly to hear our adult children enjoy each other and actually want to be together. No, it’s not the Partridge family! We don’t wear matching outfits and sway side to side singing a happy little tune. We’ve had some very painful and some difficult, sleepless nights. But through any of the trials, our children have the knowledge that we are here, we know them, we are on their side. The early years of talking, talking, praying, talking, praying, reading God’s word, and talking some more, have paid off. They trust us and we trust them. Will they make wise decisions every time or have they, no way! But the foundation was set early on and it happen because we home-schooled our kids and spent the hours with them that our society has given away to other influences.
Man, this is hard to even type because I have some wonderful friends who are wonderful parents. But the bottom line doesn’t change, either you give up a whole bunch and exhaust yourself or you don’t. As a full-time working momma here’s what I’ve sacrificed. See if you relate:
1. A clean house
2. Dinner. Yes, dinner. Who can think about cooking when you’re spent from investing in a job for 9 hours?
3. Good conversation. I am too tired to talk.
4. Friends. Yep, still no time. If I have any, it’s goin’ to the family.
5. Marriage. Oh let the reality speak for itself. I love my husband but he has not gotten his sweet, funny, wife for a while. She is t.i.r.e.d. I so look forward to date nights or breaks. He does too. J
6. Mother-daughter time. My baby girl is growing up and I’m doing what I can on what little I have.
7. Physical Fitness. I squeeze it in on breaks or weekends if I can muster up the energy.
8. My parents. I used to call Momma every day. Now I’m lucky if it’s once a week. It goes back to where can I give my energy and it will be with my husband and children first.
Okay… I am sure I could write a book on this subject. And I am also sure I have stomped on some toes. It is not my goal to be a kill-joy or lose friends over this topic.
This is personal.
I have seen, experienced, and lived though the ups and downs of home-schooling in my family and it just works. So, where to go from here? The same place as all the other days and nights for the last two-years, on my knees. God’s desires are my desires. He created me, He knows me, and He certainly knows this journey I am on. I am thankful for seeing this side of life; for being a working momma, a public school teacher, and trying to resolve the two in my mind. I understand more; my eyes are open to both sides. I can sympathize now with other working mommas, and... I am better for it. It’s easy to place judgment until you walked in someone’s shoes, right?
So what do I want to be when I grow up?
Hmmm… I think I already am. A wife, a momma, an encourager, and open for God to change that at any minute. He can add to the list.
Reality Check: Are you where you belong? Are you willing to lean into God’s voice and heed His desires over your own? It’s sometime scary, always a sacrifice, but oh-so worth it. Hang in there, baby! There’s a new day dawning.